Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (2011)

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World (2011)

Directed by: Robert Rodriguez

Starring: Jessica Alba, Joel McHale, Jeremy Piven

Yes, Robert Rodriguez made a Spy Kids 4. He is seriously in love with this awful fucking franchise of his. All the original actors are gone from this one, replaced by Jeremy Piven in fifty roles and Ricky Gervais as a wisecracking dog robot. It’s every bit as bad as it sounds.

An evil guy steals a thing that allows him to speed up time, which somehow makes hours pass by in seconds and only affects clocks, I guess? It doesn’t hold up to a lot of scrutiny. Anyway, the original spy kids grew up, so instead we’re going to focus on the family of Jessica Alba, who is the sister of Antonio Banderas (not appearing in this film) or something. She has two adopted kids and a baby, the three of which are called upon to save the world from time stopping. There’s more, but I hate myself a little more with every fact I remember about this movie.

The plot is a fucking mess and makes no sense if you take even a second to try and figure out the complicated time-travel conflict. Like, I don’t know what assumptions they were making about my perception of time, but either I’m a freak or whoever wrote this is an idiot. Oh wait, Rodriguez wrote it, I guess I’m in the clear.