Underworld: Evolution (2006)

Underworld: Evolution (2006)

Directed by: Len Wiseman

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy

So Underworld and Twilight AREN’T the same series, right? They just both have similar terribly complicated stories about vampire politics that nobody in their right mind could ever give even half a shit about. Thanks a lot, Vampire: The Masquerade. Thanks a whole fucking lot.

Kate Beckinsale and the guy who looks like the Nickelback guy are out to kill the original vampire and werewolf which everybody is descended from because… uh… they’re bad guys. Everybody shoots at each other and says profoundly stupid things as if they were very important and serious.

It’s strange to me that this dumb action movie about vampires shooting werewolves and people ripping each others’ heads off feels that it should have a crazy elaborate backstory and a confusingly fleshed-out world for it to be in. If you want to see dark blue action sequences, you probably don’t care or can’t follow the pointless story, and if you care about the story, this rambling bullshit isn’t anywhere close to being enjoyable. Basically what I’m saying is that they should just give up.

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