Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

Directed by: Patrick Tatopoulos

Starring: Rhona Mitra, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy

The third Underworld movie deviates from the OH SO INTERESTING story about vampires killing werewolves to go be a prequel that happens in fake fantasy times before light was invented to show werewolves killing vampires. Pretty gutsy move.

Apparently “lycans” aren’t just werewolves, they’re descended from wolf guys who can’t turn human and are all animalistic and– you know what, FUCK THIS, WHO GIVES A SHIT?!

Seriously, who cares at all. It’s a fantasy action movie with people cutting each other up with swords and there are CGI werewolves getting cut in half and the whole thing is so fucking dark you can’t see any of it and you’re GLAD. GLAD, DO YOU HEAR ME?! It’s garbage, this whole fucking series is garbage.

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