Directed by: Uwe Boll
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Lochlyn Munro, Natassia Malthe
Oh, Uwe Boll. Still making shitty vaguely video game-based movies on the German taxpayer’s dime. Why can’t anybody stop this man?
Dolph Lundgren is an ex-army ranger named Ranger who goes through a magic portal to another world. A world which is stereotypically medieval fantasy, even including dragons and prophecies and blah blah blah. Dolph trudges through this mystical fantasy world without ever giving a single shit or taking off his longshoreman’s scarf. Eventually he kills the evil king and goes back to his life of a karate instructor without anything seeming to change for him at all.
So Dolph does basically nothing at all throughout this entire movie, including emoting, and yet he’s still BY AND FAR the best part of the film. Unless you really, REALLY like cheap fight sequences between a bunch of knights that were obviously not choreographed, there is no reason to watch this movie other than to share in the delight of Dolph getting a paycheck. It should go without saying that that’s not a good reason to watch a movie. Unless you’re Dolph.