Cutthroat Island (1995)

Cutthroat Island (1995)

Directed by: Renny Harlin

Starring: Geena Davis, Matthew Modine, Frank Langella

Cutthroat Island is the biggest box office bomb (by percentage) in history. They managed to spend 90 million dollars making a movie that was more interested in explosions and stunts than in plot, characters, or even actors who wanted to be there. It truly is a testament to the stupid mistakes that people can make and suffer no consequences for whatsoever (Renny continues to make shitty films even to this day!).

Geena Davis is the best pirate ever, and she gets three pieces of a treasure map together so she can go to the titular island and get a bunch of gold. You know… piratey stuff. Her rag-tag crew of one useful guy, a monkey, and a bunch of stuntmen are up against Frank Langella, an evil(er) pirate named DAWG, and some sort of navy or something. Then… everything explodes. Twice.

EVERYTHING explodes in this movie. There’s a sequence where they drop a chandelier onto a barrel of beer, and it somehow blows up an entire town. In the climax, a fire spreads to some towels in the bottom of a ship and it’s destroyed in an expensive, pointless explosion. EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE!!! And yet it still lost money. I guess Cutthroat Island was just ahead of its time.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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