Jake Speed (1986)

Jake Speed (1986)

Directed by: Andrew Lane

Starring: Wayne Crawford, Dennis Christopher, Karen Kopins

What could make a shitty 80’s action movie even more intolerable? Let’s make it about a guy who sensationalizes his own adventures into how those movies actually are, then CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT HOW FUNNY THAT IS! FUCK YOU!

Sorry, I’m apparently in a screamy mood today. Anyway, Jake Speed is about this woman who hires a character from a series of action books (which are supposedly based on his real adventures) to help find her sister, who was kidnapped by white slavers in France, who eventually turn out to be led by John Hurt.

That’s all I need to go into, because you already know the rest. Everything is terrible and a cliche, and John Hurt turns in probably the worst performance of his career. He’s chewing scenery like an ill-trained dog and just acting like a maniac. If they wanted Gary Oldman, they would’ve gotten him, John.

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