Aliens in the Wild, Wild West (1999)

Aliens in the Wild, Wild West (1999)

Directed by: George Erschbamer

Starring: Taylor Locke, Carly Pope, Barna Moricz

Yes, I am watching this film to pregame Jon Favreau’s upcoming Cowboys & Aliens, before you ask. I figure they’re basically about the same things, so by watching this shitty 90’s kids movie,  I should have a pretty good idea of what the other movie’s going to be like. I didn’t realize there would be so many bigfoots in the movie.

Two teens from the 90’s find a terribly spraypainted plastic device beneath the floorboards of the sheriff’s office in a ghost town which transports them back in time to the old west. Once there, they see a UFO and one of its passengers, a tiny horrifying hairy monster thing that talks like Elmo. Some bad guys caught this thing’s mother, and have locked it up in the jail until they sell it to a circus for $10,000 (in 1880? Isn’t that an insane amount of money? I gotta go catch me an alien bigfoot). The kids, of course, save the mom and the aliens go back home and the bad guys are run out of town. Also, the kids learn to appreciate long, boring road trips with their parents. This is obviously science fiction.

This movie demonstrates one of the reasons I hate time travel (one of many, many reasons). Throughout the film, the teens insist on communicating in almost nothing but pop culture references that the “kids of today” would get, and that the cowboys wouldn’t, thus creating the funny situation of these people not knowing what Nintendo is. HILARIOUS! PLEASE DO THIS FOR THE ENTIRE FILM, OR AT LEAST UNTIL I SLICE OFF MY OWN HEAD WITH THIS GARROTE!!

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