Gran Torino (2008)

Gran Torino (2008)

Directed by: Clint Eastwood

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Bee Vang, Christopher Carley

Sure, everybody talks about how grumpy of an old man Clint Eastwood is in this movie, but can we take just a minute to address the most amazing part of the film? That’s right, I’m talking about the self-titled song over the credits sung by Clint himself! It rivals “Night Train to Mundo Fine” in gravelly-voiced musicianship, and the thing was nominated for an Oscar. How is that not the first thing everybody talks about in relation to Gran Torino?

Eastwood plays an old racist bastard who’s wife dies and he’s finally left on his own with his dog and his guns and his PBR. One day he inadvertently saves his wimpy Asian neighbor kid (by telling his bullies to GET OFF HIS LAWN), and he becomes the idol of the neighborhood. Against his will, he becomes the father figure this kid never had, and teaches him to stand up for himself and get a job and how to be racist at barbershops.

It’s a pretty decent drama, but it’s mostly just entertaining to watch Clint be an ol’ grumpypuss. He does such a convincing job at being the crankiest man in the world that it almost doesn’t even seem like he’s acting. His scowl is perfect, it even puts Walter Matthau to shame. It’s worth it to watch the rest of what is essentially an after-school special just for how incredibly angry Clint is.

Dirty Harry (1971)

Dirty Harry (1971)

Directed by: Don Siegel

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Andrew Robinson, John Vernon

Time for another five movie challenge, this one with the theme of “lone gunmen”! If you don’t enjoy watching batches of movies with similar themes so you can review them all in one day, then maybe you don’t have the same whimsical mental illnesses that I “suffer” from. ON WITH THE SHOW!

Harry Callahan is a cop who doesn’t play by the rules. When a serial killer who calls himself Scorpio starts shooting people from rooftops, Callahan is put on the case, despite the fact that he continuously tries to murder the perp instead of catching him, and his bosses don’t like that fact about him.

Yeah, Clint’s pretty cool in this movie. He’s cool because Dirty Harry himself is a gigantic asshole who aspires to be a murderer sanctioned by the police force. Or… maybe it’s because he has some good catchphrases. Whatever it is, this is a pretty good movie, and it’s fun to root for such a horrible person.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

Directed by: Sergio Leone

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach, Lee Van Cleef

What an awful title. None of the main characters are really good, and by the same token, they all follow their own moral codes of conduct, so none of them are really evil either. And they’re ALL ugly. And dirty. But seriously, this is a great film. Fucking classic, in every sense of the word.

There’s a hidden cache of gold buried in the western desert. One man knows who to follow to get there, one man knows the location of the gold, and one man knows that he really, really wants a lot of gold. This is their awesome story.

It’s kinda hard to summarize this film, which is fine, because I don’t really feel like giving much of it away in the first place. Well, what is there to say about The Good, the Bad and the Ugly? It’s one of the greatest westerns ever made, it has a ridiculously great and influential soundtrack, there’s a stellar cast of main characters, the plot is interesting and well-paced, and the characters are fleshed-out, complicated, and realistic. There’s basically nothing to not like about it. The only reason I gave it four stars instead of five is because I have a hole where my heart should be, and it prevents me from liking things. Okay, that and it’s really long, and I’m just not that big of a fan of westerns. It’s still fucking great, and you should still fucking watch it.

A Fistful of Dollars (1964)

A Fistful of Dollars (1964)

Directed by: Sergio Leone

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Gian Maria Volonté, Marianne Koch

I’m working on a western-themed project right now, so I figured I’d go ahead and watch a bunch of classic westerns. It’s not usually the genre I’m into, but hopefully after watching all the greats, I’ll get a better perspective.

In the old west, there’s a town with two major crime families, which Clint Eastwood walks into. As a gun-for-hire, he comes up with a plan to set both families against each other so he can take the spoils while they’re busy killing each other.

This is a pretty good movie. It’s a lot slower than I expected for some reason, but it’s used to very good effect. Just the fact that there are lots of long cuts and there isn’t all that much dialog would usually mean that you’re not going to be interested, but it’s timed perfectly. It’s a pretty good movie, I recommend it.