Directed by: John Darbonne
Starring: Bobbi Billard, Akira Lane, Gelusa Zaripova
Apparently this is a remake of some cult horror movie called Ice Scream from ’97 which I had never heard of. Frankly, I don’t know why any ice cream-themed horror movies exist beside the amazing Clint Howard film Ice Cream Man, that’s really the pinnacle of the genre. And yes, I DO know enough about ice cream-based horror movies to make that judgement, thank you very much.
A sleazy guy buys an ice cream shop and decides the best way to make money is to rename all the flavors as blatantly sexually as he can (AC/DC is more subtle with their sexualizing) and to make the girls that work there dress in bikinis. Unfortunately, his son who works in the back has a serious case of really-wanting-to-act-like-Jim-Carrey-despite-it-being-2008, and this causes him to put a bucket on his head and murder the girls.
Of course this movie is awful. The production values are so low I’m hesitant to even say it’s a student film; more like a home movie made by a drama club too untalented to be able to book a venue to put on some shitty version of Damn Yankees or something. The women were obviously cast based on their looks/willingness to get topless on camera and not for their ability to remember or say their lines, but that’s not really a surprise. If there is one redeeming thing about this movie, it’s that… uh… well, it made me want to watch that Clint Howard movie, which is pretty goofy. There, I said something nice about the pile of crap.
Films in Boxes 
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