Tarzan and the Amazons (1945)

Tarzan and the Amazons (1945)

Directed by: Kurt Neumann

Starring: Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield

So back… a thousand years ago when jungle adventure movies were extremely popular, they made about a hundred Tarzan movies. Here’s… one of them! Completely at random! This is maybe the only time I haven’t tried to go through the whole library of a series chronologically. Hopefully this means I’m cured enough to re-integrate with the rest of the insane people at the asylum instead of staying in this tiny box.

Tarzan is hanging out at his jungle home with his son named Boy and his pet/sidekick chimp named Cheetah. Just in case you weren’t aware that Tarzan is a dumb guy. Jane comes to visit with a platoon of British explorers, and they ask for Tarzan’s help in finding a lost tribe of Amazon women, led by the scary gypsy lady from The Wolf Man. The explorers steal some statuary, and the Amazons are going to sacrifice Boy to their heathen gods as repayment unless Tarzan can get off his dad-body-ass and do something about it.

Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of Amazons in this film. Fortunately, there is a fucking monkey and he’s goddamn hilarious. That little fucker has his own story arc, where he learns how to fish with a fishing pole but is bad at it, then continues stealing lit sticks of dynamite from the brits until he throws one of them in the water and invents dynamite fishing. That chimp came so close to blowing himself up like five times in this film, and if that isn’t a reason to watch something then I guess I don’t know anything about anything.