Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010)

Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010)

Directed by: Lauren Montgomery

Starring: Andre Braugher, Kevin Conroy, Tim Daly

Everybody knows that Marvel is blowing DC out of the water in the box office, and meager attempts to compete like Green Lantern just aren’t up to snuff. However, DC has had a pretty solid animation line in TV shows and movies for like twenty years now… why not just spend some money and get a really good animated Justice League movie in the theaters or something? Just… don’t make it anything like this movie. This movie sucked hard.

Batman discovers a kryptonite asteroid that crashes near Gotham City, and the person that was inside it: Kara Zor-El, Superman’s teenage girl cousin who took her damn time getting to Earth. Wonder Woman takes Kara to her amazon island (is it Lesbos? Tell me that’s where Wonder Woman lives) for sword training (?), but she gets abducted by the forces of Darkseid. After killing a thousand Doomsday clones, the three superheroes travel to Apokolips to confront the evil alien and his planet of minions, and free Supergirl from his evil clutches. If you don’t understand any of those words that I’m saying, that’s a good sign.

There are a lot of story problems with this movie, but none of them are nearly as bad (in my eyes) as the extremely lazy art style. There are basically two molds for people, male and female, and everybody fits into one of them. The only difference between Wonder Woman and Supergirl is the color of their hair, otherwise they look exactly the same… and so does Big Barda, a character that was slightly unique and edgy in the 70’s because they made her look like a giant lady bodybuilder instead of a pin-up model. Making everybody look the same in an animated film really seems to be missing the entire point, and just makes you look like you’re treating it as a workmanlike product, something to be milled out and sold at the co-op. If you gave half a shit about this stuff, you’d realize you already have the tools and established fan base to legitimately compete.

Oh, there is one more thing I have to mention: The best part of this film is Ed Asner as the voice of Granny Goodness, an evil old woman on Apokolips. It’s actually the perfect casting and it’s hilarious. Anyway, that’s the good part of the movie. Not Batman killing a bunch of Doomsdays with a battle axe.