Directed by: Paul Wendkos
Starring: Anthony Geary, Judith Light, Mark Harmon
So I’m trying to FINALLY finish off this stupid 50 pack of old made-for-TV movies that I have, and one of them turned out to be Intimate Agony, which is basically an after-school special about herpes. Everything in this movie is about herpes, not a single character has no interactions with it. HERPES HERPES HERPES!
There’s some island where apparently all everybody does is have casual sex, and there’s an outbreak of herpes running rampant. The hotshot genius doctor who just moved into the area is on a crusade to… tell people that they have herpes. Robert Vaughn owns the island or something, and he doesn’t want his sex paradise corrupted by this foul disease, so his plan is to just ask the guy not to tell people they have herpes, and it’ll all go away. We also follow several people with the disease and how it affects their lives, none of which is interesting.
Besides the herpes stuff, the interesting part about this movie is how similarly structured it is when compared to Jaws. Seriously. The main conflict is almost exactly the same; one scientist trying to save a town from a terror, but is blocked by greedy land developers who want the money to keep flowing in. Just… replace a big shark with herpes, and in the end the shark isn’t killed, they just open up a support group for herpes sufferers. That’s the strangest part about the whole thing, to me.