Directed by: John R. Cherry III
Starring: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark
Oh boy, my two favorite things in a movie: Christmas and Ernest. Am I dreaming, or is this some magical nightmare they caught on film specifically as a vessel for my hate? Nobody may ever know…
Santa goes to Miami to find a TV host to replace him in his Santa-ly duties. When he accidentally leaves his magic sack in the trunk of the taxi, it’s driver (Ernest) and a runaway girl become involved in the intrigue. The intrigue of convincing everybody that Santa is real and that this other guy should become Santa.
It’s just like every other fucking Christmas movie where someone has to help that lazy bastard Santa, except this one has an obnoxious hick bending his rubbery jaws all over the screen. Ernest really is just the 90’s version of Larry the Cable Guy, except Jim Varney is too ADD to stick with just one dumb impression and has to pointlessly bring out as many “characters” as he can. Which is like six.