Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

Directed by: George Barry

Starring: Demene Hall, William Russ, Julie Ritter

Well, I don’t know about the bed, but this is certainly THE MOVIE THAT EATS!!! AH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Oh man, I’ve been waiting to say that ever since I saw this movie’s subtitle! Though… I’ve also been saying it a lot, so it’s not really waiting. The point is that it isn’t a funny joke anymore, but I just can’t help myself.

The concept behind Death Bed is pretty simple: There’s an evil Satan bed and it eats people by waiting for them to sleep in it, then it envelops them in fizzy yellow digestive juices. The story we come in on has three girls who find the bed and single room it’s in out in the middle of the woods, then they get eaten one by one after the bed gives them crazy dreams and/or reasons to become half-naked. The last girls manages to survive partly because her brother finds her (and gets his hands eaten, except they are just skeleton hands now) and partly because she kinda looks like the witch who created the death bed, so she has the ability to destroy it. With the help of the man who lives in the painting in the room, of course. Oh, I didn’t mention him? He’s the narrator. Obvi.

This movie is goddamn ridiculous. Mostly I wanted to figure out whether this was a tongue-in-cheek Snakes on a Plane kinda bad, or if it was genuine, and apart from one specific part (where the bed drinks Pepto-Bismol to ease it’s stomach), it seems pretty genuine. That Pepto-Bismol part, though… I mean, that’s almost a complete giveaway, isn’t it? Still, I think I’m going to go ahead and believe that someone just thought that was a funny joke in the middle of a serious horror film. I BELIEVE!