Kronk’s New Groove (2005)

Kronk’s New Groove (2005)

Directed by: Saul Blinkoff, Elliot M. Bour, Robin Steele

Kronk’s New Groove. What can you even say about Kronk’s New Groove? It’s a sequel to The Emperor’s New Groove, and it’s very, VERY clearly a video repackaging of some episodes from a failed TV show. The all-star cast from the first movie all come back for two or three lines, except for Patrick Warburton who of course would give the same performance if he were doing a commercial for peas. It’s so fucking terrible it makes me want to burn a barn to the ground, and that’s not even imagery related to the film.

Kronk, the villain’s sidekick from the first movie, fulfills his dream by buying and operating a restaurant at the top of a hill, thus allowing him to live his own life out of the grasp of his controlling father, who he reunites with at the end of the film. Also in the middle part he’s a boy scout leader and he falls in love with a girl scout leader.

Do you want to see a movie that allows David Spade to break in and ad-lib in place of commercial breaks? If you answered “yes”, get the fuck out right now what the FUCK is wrong with you Jesus Christ Almighty. If movies were made by mining mines and each mine contained a movie, and this movie had used the same mine as the first movie just to get all the little bits that were left, that would be a bad metaphor. Far too confusing. I’m going to bed now, night!