Directed by: Stephen Hopkins
Starring: Gary Oldman, William Hurt, Matt LeBlanc
Yeah, I watched the Lost in Space movie. Of my own free will, even. And I’ve seen it before, in THEATERS. I have no idea why I do things like this to myself, except maybe because I’m just a jerk and I hate myself? That could be it.
In the future, Earth’s resources are going to be used up soon and we’re going to have to find a new planet to move to. Professor Robinson has developed a warp gate technology that’ll let us get to another planet really quick, but first he has to take his family (and a hot-shot pilot, and a robot, and a pedophile terrorist) to the other planet to build the thing. Dr. Smith programs the robot to DESTROY ROBINSON FAMILY and messes everything up, sending them forward in time, and then there’s other stupid shit about time travel, and a bunch of evil space spiders attack them and there’s a disgusting yellow cartoon monkey designed to be put on Burger King cups that joins up with them also.
It’s bad. This movie? It is a bad movie. It’s based on the 60’s TV show in that the characters have the same names and the robot named Robot has the same voice actor doing him. It’s got this impossibly complex plot that makes no sense if you spend even a minute thinking about it, and it’s all just a way to get special effects into a dumb, marketable name… a name which hobbles the movie so poorly in trying to get everything close to it without changing any of the action sequences it becomes a thousand times worse.