Malibu Shark Attack (2009)

Malibu Shark Attack (2009)

Directed by: David Lister

Starring: Renee Bowen, Remi Broadway, Joel Amos Byrnes

Haha, the director of this movie has the same name as the horrible slobbish idiot main character from the funny British sci-fi show Red Dwarf. You know, putting it in that context, I can totally see this movie being directed by that guy. Except for the complete lack of the word “smeg”, of course.

WE GOTTA CLOSE THE BEACHES! Sorry, no, wait. Okay, so there’s a big tidal wave (which we never see and could not possibly have been that big from what we do see), which traps a group of lifeguards in their little lifeguard shack thing. Also, it apparently released some prehistoric super sharks that go around eating the people.

The CGI sharks in this movie look fucking retarded. Not only that, but the only thing special about them is that they’re incredibly patient. Like, if you just sat in a shack above the water for a day and there were normal sharks around, they would’ve left like an hour in, at most, to find some other food. Like all those fish that they always eat, which is what they’re designed to eat, and is pretty easy for them to catch. But THESE sharks, who have big Jimmy Durante noses, apparently will sit around forever just waiting for you to be an idiot and take a swim. No wonder they all died out.

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