Gus (1976)

Gus (1976)

Directed by: Vincent McEveety

Starring: Ed Asner, Don Knotts, Gary Grimes

Yeah, sure, nowadays the idea of a movie where a mule plays football seems pretty ordinary, but back in the 70’s they didn’t have any Air Buds or MXP: Most Extreme Primates, so Gus was pretty unique! Wait… this movie is about a mule playing football? That’s fucking retarded.

Gus is… about a mule that plays football. Okay, let’s move past that. Ed Asner owns the worst team in NFL history, the “Atoms”, who have apparently not won a game in the last four years. He makes a deal with… some guy (huh, I just realized I have no idea who that guy is supposed to be. The BAD guy, I guess) that if they win the Super Bowl, he gets to keep the team. Not really sure why he’d WANT to keep the team, but that’s the premise. In comes Gus, the mule, who can kick a field goal 100% of the time from anywhere on the field. Also, they apparently don’t have a problem with the mule playing professional football.

I am going to create an entire professional sports team out of animals. It doesn’t matter what sports or what animals, because they will win the championships ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE TIME. That is… so long as movies haven’t lied to me. They wouldn’t be so cruel, would they?