Godzilla (1998)

Godzilla (1998)

Directed by: Roland Emmerich

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo

Sigh… Here it is, the American Godzilla. You know, maybe if it hadn’t been put into the hands of one of the worst directors of recent memory, it wouldn’t be such a glaring black dot on the record of Godzilla (which is already pretty full of bad movies as it is). Then again, if Godzilla had wings, he wouldn’t bump his butt when he jumped, either.

A giant reptile has headed for New York, and for some reason the military call in Matthew Broderick to be their Godzilla expert. Not only do they have to contend with the monster itself, but it apparently laid a million billion eggs in Madison Square Garden, so they have to blow that up, too. Oh, and Jean Reno is there on behalf of the French Secret Service, because they’re very sorry that THEIR nuclear testing was the cause of Godzilla.

Are you fucking kidding me? It was the fault of the FRENCH that Godzilla exists? That’s just fucking insulting. I mean, I know you’re making a stupid disaster movie a la Independence Day, but you’d have to be a goddamn idiot to not get that Godzilla is a really obvious metaphor for the nuclear bombs dropped on Japan. That makes me angrier than the rest of this stupid, shitty movie. I guess it gave Jean Reno a reason to be in there, and he makes the movie at least the slightest bit watchable, which is quite a feat.