Spawn (1997)

Spawn (1997)

Directed by: Mark A.Z. Dippé

Starring: Michael Jai White, John Leguizamo, Martin Sheen

Ah ha ha ha, holy shit, I thought Mr. Dippé’s silly name looked familiar. Apparently his directorial work includes such gems as Frankenfish and THREE, count ’em, THREE CGI Garfield movies. All of a sudden, Spawn doesn’t seem so bad…

A man working for some sort of secret government organization is burned to death by his mean boss (Sheen). However, he manages to come back as a “hellspawn”, a demonic soldier meant to help Satan conquer heaven or something like that. Eventually. For now, he has time to get revenge against his old boss and his best friend who married his ex-wife. Also, he gets to fight a fat, evil clown (Leguizamo) that turns into a demon. Stupid, stupid movie.

The funny thing is that Spawn the movie is just about as bad as the comic book it’s based on, only in completely different ways. While the comics are supergrim and ultradark (making them groanworthily stupid), the movie is full of cartoony idiocy and incompetent acting, making it stupid in whole new ways. So congratulations Mark Dippé, you single-handedly ended the huge popularity Spawn had in the early 90’s. I’m sure everyone but Todd MacFarlane thanks you for that. Now go back to making shitty GARFIELD MOVIES. Haha, I just can’t fucking get over that. Perfect.