Reptilian (1999)

Reptilian (1999)

Directed by: Hyung-rae Shim

Starring: Dan Cashman, Bruce Cornwell, Dennis Howard

I guess this was supposed to be the South Korean answer to the shitty American Godzilla movie, but it manages to be even worse somehow. Maybe it’s because that piece of shit relied entirely on effects and so did this, except the effects were also terrible? Sounds about right.

So this inexplicably evil archaeologist digs up on old, live, giant dinosaur which starts running amok and destroying a city. It turns out the monster is aided by aliens, which were responsible for the thing being alive in the first place. The good guys (who spend the entire movie inside a control room) fight off the bad dinosaur with a good dinosaur of their own, which they get… somewhere. The two fight, the good one wins, and the aliens run away. The end.

Apart from how terrible all the CGI monsters are (I mean, it’s 1999, it’s pretty much what you expect), the weirdest part about this movie is how incredibly strange all the characters act. Absolutely no character at any point in the film does the most obvious thing that common sense would dictate. Several people die during an archaeological dig, people press on without telling anybody because that would be “bad publicity”, even though everyone’s died through completely innocent accidents. A giant dinosaur is going to step on a guy, so instead of running away he pointless screams and shakes his fist. They have a way to defeat the dinosaur, but one guy steals the thing they need so he can get out of their protective bunker… to be killed, I guess? NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE. Seriously, the whole time I was watching, I kept waiting for even one person to act out of common sense or the slightest bit of logic, and it never happened. Amazing.