Directed by: Lewis Baumander
Starring: Jeff Wincott, Maria Ford, Stacy Keach
Urrgghh… I haven’t been this angry at a movie in a long time. I’m so behind with this thing, I think it’s been a week since I’ve seen this movie, but I still remember the blood-curdling RAGE I felt while watching it. HATE.
It’s the future (obviously) and there’s some sort of plague or something. To fix this, two annoying people have created some mutant babies or something which can cure it. However, our main character decides to sneak into some base or other to get the cure out of the embryos, but he has to fight his way there and also against his partner, which is also his ex-wife. She doesn’t want him to do this, because she thinks the babies can grow, and THEN have the cure taken out of them, but what this guy wants to do is make them grow quickly so they can get it before everyone dies. Also, Stacy Keach is an evil military guy who wants to use these embryos to make a cure. THEY ALL WANT THE SAME FUCKING THING! WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING!?!
Much worse than the plot that makes no sense, however, is the main character’s dialogue, which consists entirely of obnoxious one-liners and completely forced, out-of-place quotes from Alice Through the Looking-Glass. The guy never shuts up, not even for a goddamn minute, and everything he does is completely counter-intuitive to what he should be doing if he wants to get to his goal, which is also what the people after him want… RRRARRGHHH!!! FUCK YOU, Lewis Baudmander, Glen Cullen, Jules Delorme, and Phillip Jackson, writers of this movie. I hope you all die a sad and lonely death.
Films in Boxes 
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