Kangaroo Jack (2003)

Kangaroo Jack (2003)

Directed by: David McNally

Starring: Jerry O’Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren

Oh boy, Kangaroo Jack. I can’t think of a better movie with the guy from Sliders chasing after a kangaroo, that’s for sure. Why was Christopher Walken in this, again? Ugh.

Two idiot mob lackeys are sent to Australia with a package of mob money (for and from the mob) to deliver to a contact down there as their last chance to stay in “the family”. They almost immediately lose the money in the stupidest way possible: They put it in the pocket of a jacket that they put on a kangaroo for inexplicable reasons. The kangaroo hops away and they spend the rest of the movie chasing it, and they bond and blah blah blah.

Okay, I don’t normally do this, but the reason I watched this movie was due to a different review of it at a website I found, The ChildCare Action Project (or CAP). It’s a site dedicated to reviewing the most minor of “Christian values” in movies and listing them systematically so you can tell just how many poop jokes there are in a given film. His review of Kangaroo Jack is… well, it’s amazing. He decries it as one of the most vulgar films he’s seen, giving it a rating of 29 out of 100 on his scale of ‘decency’. For comparison, Fight Club has a score of 31. Kangaroo Jack is as bad or worse than Fight Club as far as decency goes in this man’s opinion.

Go ahead and read this guy’s review, there are some amazing nuggets of crazy buried in there. My favorite part is where he cites a bunch of names of organizations which “agree with him” about how violent films affect children for their entire lives without actually mentioning any studies or anything (also, this isn’t a violent film. Seriously). And then there’s this gem:

Professional counselor Doctor Larry Gilliam and Dr. Nelson agree with me that it would be unusual for even a 16 year old to be able to fully comprehend the consequences of his/her actions or to be able to fully separate fantasy from reality: that such capabilities do not typically plateau until the early 20s. How much more proof of the influence of such presences in and as entertainment do we need? Think of the issue this way. Did you ever get misty-eyed at anything you saw/heard in the movies? Have you ever gotten mad or happy or sad or “energized” atanything you saw and heard on the big screen — ever?

Really? 16 year olds can’t discern the difference between fantasy and reality? And if you’ve ever had an emotion while watching a movie, that means that violent films WILL cause violence in kids? And all this is because of KANGAROO JACK?! I just… I have no words. This man makes me so angry, and I just had to share it with you.