Santa’s Slay (2005)

Santa’s Slay (2005)

Directed by: David Steiman

Starring: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin

Oh, where to even start? Well, let’s see, the idea of a Christmas-themed horror movie is nothing new, certainly. Hell, not even the idea of using a professional wrestler to play Santa, they did that with Hulk Hogan in the even-more-awful Santa With Muscles. So… why do they keep making stuff like this? Probably because movie makers hate me, specifically. Probably.

As it turns out, Santa is actually the son of Satan himself (hence the name), and he lost a bet to an angel a thousand years ago (a bet on a game of curling), and has thus had to spread cheer and joy to children for all that time. Unfortunately for us, this year the contract runs out, and Santa decides to get back at us for loving him by randomly killing people. Of course.

Besides the dubious fame of having former pro wrestler Goldberg as Santa, there are a few other remarkable cameos in this movie, like the first scene where both Chris Kattan and Fran Drescher are murdered by Santa (easily the best part of the movie), as well as a really depressing small part played by Dave Thomas. Other than that, it’s basically what you’d expect: Santa going around killing people while saying really terrible Christmas-related puns. ‘Tis the season, I suppose.

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Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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