Merlin and the Book of Beasts (2009)

Merlin and the Book of Beasts (2009)

Directed by: Warren P. Sonoda

Starring: James Callis, Laura Harris, Donald Adams

Wow, I’m reviewing a movie on here immediately after watching it! I never thought THAT would happen. It usually takes me two or three days before I get bored enough to write anything down here… Obviously, today is an exciting day.

In Merlin and the Book of Beasts (or MatBoB, as insiders call it), we have a post-Arthurian adventure involving Galahad, the daughter of King Arthur and Guinevere, the son of Tristan and Isolde (who is also named Tristan, and also despite the fact that that story predates Arthurian legend), a guy who they kept calling Lancelot who may or may not have been the Tristan guy (I wasn’t paying enough attention, I think), and, of course, Merlin. They all have to go to Camelot to stop “the Arcadian” (to turns out to be Mordred LeFay, the son of Arthur and Morgan Le Fay) from using a magic book that summons creatures that fight for him.

This movie is, as you might expect, another one of those things where they just filmed a bunch of renfest attendees fighting with swords, framed in an unimaginative, pre-existing narrative. I have to admit, it looks a little nicer than most of these types of movies, but honestly, just being pretty is not nearly enough for a fantasy movie nowadays.

The best part of the movie was Merlin, or more specifically, Merlin’s voice. To get an idea of how it sounded, just imagine Christian Bale’s Batman voice… if he’d been drinking scotch for a week straight. It’s so low and grumbly and ridiculously fake that I cracked up every time the guy spoke. Of course, I could barely understand what he was saying, but I attribute even the slightest bit of coherence to the fact that I listen to heavy metal where people sing like he talks, so I had some previous experience. What a great movie.