The Tuxedo (2002)

The Tuxedo (2002)

Directed by: Kevin Donovan

Starring: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs

Dammit, Jackie Chan, I like you, but why are you in so many retarded movies? Basically everything he did in the early aughts was just embarrassingly bad, including this movie (which he made between Rush Hour 2 and Shanghai Knights, two SEQUELS to terrible movies. Oh, Jackie…).

Jackie Chan is an ordinary taxi driver who gets the job as the chauffeur for a super spy secret agent James Bond ripoff. When the spy guy gets hospitalized, Jackie takes his technologically advanced tuxedo, which gives him super fighting powers (aka, allows him to be Jackie Chan) and the like. He’s teamed up with Jennifer Love Hewitt, who plays a desk-bound super spy agent who is also a huge bitch. I’m sure it was a massive stretch for her acting muscles. Anyway, they fight somebody and blah blah James Brown. Oh yeah, James Brown is in this movie, and after he gets knocked out, Chan has to sing “Sex Machine” in his place. This is easily the best part of the movie.

This is one of two movies Chan made in two years where he has to get a special item that allows him to actually do the things that he does normally (the other being the equally bad The Medallion). It’s a bit of a strange concept, but it allows Jackie to do the sort of stuff that he’s awesome at while mugging to the camera and acting surprised. Which… Okay, I’ll admit, it’s pretty funny. That’s the thing: All of these movies he did at this time were awful, but if it wasn’t for him, they’d be completely terrible. I mean, obviously, they were all movies written specifically for him, but you know what I mean. Jackie Chan manages to be a great martial artist (although it’s really more acrobatics than martial arts, but I’m not going to cut hairs) and a really funny guy. That’s why he needs to be in more GOOD movies. Like The Forbidden Kingdom. That was a pretty good movie he’s done recently.