Pain & Gain (2013)

pain and gainPain & Gain (2013)

Directed by: Michael Bay

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie

one-star

You mean to tell me that the all-star lineup of The Rock, Marky Mark, and Michael “An Explosion Sucking Off A Volcano” Bay produced a shitty heist movie about bodybuilders? You don’t say, what are the odds.

So that’s what happens. Three idiot bodybuilders decide to kidnap Tony Shalhoub (who I normally like but who is just awful in this one) for ransom, and botch it up to the point where they all end up dying in various explosions.

Every second of this movie made me want to cut my head off and fill my skull with rubbing alcohol, but that being said, this is probably the most acting I’ve ever seen out of Dwayne Johnson, it’s a very different role for him, and he actually ACTS. Well! Who woulda thunkit, right? Well anyway, do not ever watch this movie, for the love of Jesus Christ and His holy cousins.

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