Anastasia (1997)

anastasiaAnastasia (1997)

Directed by: Don Bluth, Gary Goldman

Starring: Meg Ryan, John Cusack, Christopher Lloyd

one-star

Oh Don Bluth, trying so hard to be Disney after they fired him. It’s kinda like Dave Mustaine getting kicked out of Metallica so he went and started Megadeth. You know, except that there’s nothing cool about this story.

Anastasia is the story of two con artists who find a young Russian girl and try to pass her off as the missing heir to the Tsar’s throne. One of them (John Cusack) falls in love with the girl because she’s Meg Ryan so he tries to stop the whole scheme, but it turns out that Rasputin is haunting them from Hell with his black magic and talking bat sidekick. Didn’t expect that, didja?

Putting aside the fact that the animation looks like a shitty hackjob knockoff of the 80’s Disney style, the story is befuddled and constantly trying to maintain some form of cohesion, but it never comes together. Also it’s a goddamn waste to have Christopher Lloyd as a crazy evil wizard and then he doesn’t ever do anything except sing songs from The Lion King and talk to Hank Azaria as a bat. The Meg Ryan/John Cusack love story is about as 90’s as you could possibly get, but at least you don’t have to look at Cusack’s smug fucking face the whole time.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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