Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

guardians of the galaxyGuardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Directed by: James Gunn

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Bradley Cooper

three-stars

Can we just take a second and talk about how awful the IMDb pages for current, big budget movies are? They turn this great informational resource into the most obnoxious internet ad conceivable. We all know that IMDb has always been on the forefront of the worst possible internet ad technology, and we put up with it because it’s such a useful fucking service… but seriously, how long can we let this go on.

An all-star cast of B-list comedians are accidentally cast in the new Star Wars movie, so they decide to make a FUNNY Star Wars and hell let’s cash in on that Marvel money too and make it Guardians of the Galaxy! The guy who suggested that is double rich now.

A rag-tag group of adventurers all gang up to stop a cartoonishly evil Darth Maul-style villain from destroying a planet. You’ve got Chris Pratt as Han Solo, Zoe Saldana as Leia, Bradley Cooper as a raccoon, Vin Diesel as motion capture for a tree man who can only say his name for SOME fucking reason, and that one wrestler guy who’s been making shitty movies for years as himself painted blue. They go through crazy space adventures where everybody shoots at each other and things explode.

So seriously, this movie is Star Wars made in the modern times. If the new Star Wars movie ends up being worse than this, that would be fucking hilarious. It’s a good movie, don’t get me wrong. It’s very fun, very action-packed, the characters are funny and cute, it’s fine. It’s also exactly Star Wars. Just look at that fucking movie poster. Case closed.

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