Face/Off (1997)

face offFace/Off (1997)

Directed by: John Woo

Starring: John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, Joan Allen

one-star

John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, AND John Woo? It’s a trifecta! Of awful people who should be nowhere near a camera or the entertainment industry! In Face/Off, they’re all trying to outdo each other’s terribleness, and they all somehow succeed. Definitely one of those “no matter who wins, we lose” situations.

Travolta’s a cop. Cage’s a robber. They hate each other. After Travolta finally catches Cage, he does the only sensible thing and cuts his own face off, then sews on Cage’s face so he can pretend to be him and go find out where the bomb that’s going to blow up the president is hidden. Unfortunately, faceless Cage wakes up and puts Travolta’s unattended face on to take over his life, and now Travolta has to get his life back.

Everything about this movie makes no sense. Do I really need to go into detail about how even the base concept of the film is so fucking idiotic that it could never conceivably happen. THE TITLE HAS A FUCKING SLASH IN IT FOR NO REASON FOR FUCK’S SAKE! I’m done. Fuck you, everyone involved in the creation of this monstrosity.

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