Eden (2007)

edenEden (2007)

Directed by: Daniel Dakota

Starring: Carmen LuvanaEvan StoneAva Rose

one-star

Remember that show Fantasy Island? Where Ricardo Montalbon and Herve Villechaize run a magic island where people’s dreams come true, and yet for some reason it’s never just people going there to have a bunch of sex? Well, this is the porn version of that, only nobody learns a profound life lesson at the end.

A group of famous and/or rich people fly to an island which magically grants their wishes (all of which are having sex, amazingly enough). One of the girls gets kidnapped by a native tribe of cannibals or something and everyone else tries to save her, only to run afoul of the real danger of the island: A TYRANNOSAURUS REX THAT EATS THEM. THE END.

I’ve seen a few pornos in my day, and I have to say that very few of them end with a dinosaur eating everybody. I say that as a joke, but now I realize that there actually was one softcore movie I saw that ended in a very similar way called Dinosaur Babes, and now I think I’m going to mope around for a while and try to figure out where my life went wrong.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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