Directed by: Alfonso Cuarón
Starring: Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Ed Harris
Where do I begin… how about some lame pun about how this movie “fell low of my expectations”, or perhaps something like, “what this movie could’ve used was a little LEVITY!!” and then I walk down the isle honking my prosthetic red nose and making my tie roll up and fall back down until I get to the big doors of the theater and leave forever, running and crying, shedding my old identity and creating a new world, one where I use Livejournal instead of Facebook. No, I don’t want to do that, let’s just talk about the movie.
So the plot is that there are these two astronauts in space and their space house gets smashed so they have to walk back to Earth.
George Clooney is one of the astronauts, but he dies pretty close to the beginning of the movie so you don’t have to worry about him too much. The downside of that is that it leaves Sandra Bullock to herself to basically panic and cry for 90 minutes. Basically what you’re getting here is a 90% CGI one-woman show that would have been just as effective if she was sitting on a darkened stage on a stool, reading her lines. This movie is an actual, real example of what a waste of 100 million dollars looks like. I’m not being hyperbolic whatsoever, for the first time in my life. Well actually I’m not hyperbolic a lot, I just say it in that way to make my point seem more– hey now! None of that! Ha ha, I’m such a scamp. I have to go lie down now.