I, Frankenstein (2014)

i frankensteinI, Frankenstein (2014)

Directed by: Stuart Beattie

Starring: Aaron EckhartBill NighyMiranda Otto

one-star

Holy Jesus, this is a bad movie. You remember how bad the Underworld movies were? Well this is exactly that, except instead of vampires and werewolves, it’s gargoyles and demons. And Frankenstein’s monster is in there somewhere for some reason. Was this just a case of making something stupider until it got to the point where it would get made just to see the trainwreck? It’s awful.

So it turns out there’s been an eternal battle between demons led by Bill Nighy and gargoyles which are just like that cartoon show Gargoyles except they all have swords. Frankenstein’s monster turns out to be the chosen one that would allow the demons to possess all the dead people in the world, thus getting stronger or whatever. He doesn’t necessarily want to help anybody or really be involved in the movie, so he just walks around occasionally smacking CGI monsters with sticks. It ends at some point, and that’s the best thing this movie ever does.

The thing that surprised me the most about I, Frankenstein was that Aaron Eckhart was in it. For some reason I had the impression that he was better than something like this. I’m not exactly sure why, but whatever it is has been killed forever by this piece of shit. For that matter, I thought the world was smart enough to know not to give the guy who wrote the Underworld movies another movie. He can only do one thing, and it’s awful. Then again, the way things are anymore, maybe I should just be thankful it didn’t have Abraham Lincoln in it too.

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