Doom (2005)

doomDoom (2005)

Directed by: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Starring: Karl UrbanRosamund PikeDwayne “The Rock” Johnson

one-star

As far as movies based on video games go, Doom is a great example of how they’re almost all incredibly awful. If you like movies where the Rock goes around yelling until you can see each of his neck veins in perfect clarity while everybody shoots everything forever, then boy howdy son, this is your film.

A portal to Hell is opened on Mars, and monsters come pouring out! Oh wait, that’s the game. In the movie, there’s some lame-ass genetic experiment thing involved in creating the monsters (still on Mars, but in a big laboratory set recycled from Resident Evil), and the Rock’s crack team of space marines have to go in and take care of business.

Ugh. I mean, what else is there to say? It’s exactly as bad as it sounds. If you’re one of those weird people who are really into these kinds of movies, which apparently are an awful lot of you, or so the amount of these kinds of movies would lead me to believe, then you’ll like Doom. You’d probably like anything with explosions and screaming, though, and I hope you’ll all watch the movie I’m writing right now, called Throwing Fireworks at Children. It’s very avant-garde.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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