Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon
Yep, I finally got around to seeing the new Superman movie, only to find that it actually isn’t about Superman at all! I mean, sure, he LOOKS like Superman and there are Superman characters in it with those names, but at no point does anybody actually use the word Superman, so I guess it was just a weird parody or something. Boy do I feel foolish, thinking that Man of Steel was a Superman movie!
An alien is shot from his home planet as a baby because it’s going to blow up, and he grows up on a farm in Kansas raised by Kevin Costner. A terrible fate, to be sure. It turns out he has super powers and he eventually finds a spaceship with the force ghost of his actual dad or whatever, Russell Crowe, on it, who explains everything. Right after, an evil kryptonian named Zod comes to Earth to get back Superman’s DNA so he can terraform Earth and restart the kryptonian race. Or some shit like that, really the movie is about flashbacks and explosions.
There is absolutely no character development in this film whatsoever. If you don’t already know about the story of Superman and characters like Lois Lane, they’ll just be a bunch of mannequins saying words at each other and punching stuff. Sure, the number of people who DON’T already know that story and those characters are probably limited to a handful of Amish infants, but if that’s the case why would you spend the time to show the origin story of Superman in a movie YET AGAIN? The only moral I learned from Superman’s backstory is that it doesn’t actually matter whether or not you hide your powers or help anybody. I’m not sure that’s what they should’ve been shooting for. I have other things to say about this movie, but I really don’t feel like wasting your or my time on it, so I’m gonna go now. Bye.