Fear House (2008)

fear houseFear House (2008)

Directed  by: Michael R. Morris

Starring: Aleece Jones, Matthew Stiller, Olivia Price

one-star

And I’m back to reviewing generic horror movies. I’ve seen so many of these fucking things that I have absolutely nothing left to say. Put a bunch of people in a house and kill them off one by one; it’s cheap and it’s only been done sixteen billion times before, nobody could ever see that coming! They’ll LOVE IT!!!

A group of people go to a house to talk to a writer who’s been holed up there for months in an effort to get her to sign off on the movie rights of one of her books. Unfortunately it turns out that the house is haunted and everyone who tries to leave dies. Hell, even people just hanging out inside the house get killed. Most ghosts are a little more strict about their killing requirements than that, but these ghosts are kinda lax and unstructured in their particular haunting. Oh, and people die by the things they’re most afraid of! Sometimes. Like, twice, actually.

Here’s a tip: if you want to make a horror movie that has something new and different to offer the audience, the answer is not thinking of new ways to graphically kill people off. Friday the 13th was a long, long time ago, guys. Everybody’s comfortable with the premise now, to really scare people you’ll have to do something DIFFERENT. I know, it’s hard to think of new things, that’s why you’re making cheap horror movies in the first place.

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