Directed by: Robert Schwentke
Starring: Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich
Holy jesus shit this was a bad movie. Here’s a little tip that the advertisements didn’t tell you: RED is actually an acronym, meaning “Retired: Extremely Dangerous”. Yes, it’s an action movie about old people who are still super badass. It’s like The Expendables, only without… well, I haven’t seen that movie, but I assume it’s slightly different. Somehow.
Ugh, it’s so generic, I don’t even remember the plot of this movie. Let’s see what IMDb has to say…
When his peaceful life is threatened by a high-tech assassin, former black-ops agent Frank Moses reassembles his old team in a last ditch effort to survive and uncover his assailants.
Oh… good. So… it’s an action movie, I guess. That’s all settled then.
Basically it’s a bunch of old actors caching in a paycheck, and you get to see every explody angstrom of it!!! A lot of stuff explodes, and boy howdy, those old guys sure aren’t useless, are they?! Old people are still great action movie stars, and are therefore whatever the fuck the point of this movie being made was. Ugh.