Directed by: Bill Condon
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
I haven’t reviewed them on here, but I have actually seen every Twilight movie. I didn’t review them because I saw them all (besides this one) with Rifftrax, which is a totally different experience (it’s actually funny, for instance) and I don’t really think it counts as seeing the movie normally. Well, lucky me, I got to watch the last and quite possibly worst of the series without the airbag that is Rifftrax. And now it’s time to complain about it.
So… the main character lady is a vampire, and she had a half-vampire baby before she got turned, and I guess it’s a prophecy fulfillment thing or something? So there’s all these other vampires who I’m pretty sure are just exactly the same guys from the Underworld series, and they want to kill the baby. So the good guy vampires and the werewolves team up against the vampire army to save the creepy CGI baby. Oh and also the werewolf love interest guy wants to date the baby. Twilight is retarded.
I don’t even know what else I can say besides presenting just what happens in this dumbass movie. It’s terrible. I have no idea what people see in this series. It’s gone far past just the old grumbles about vampires sparkling, this movie is a mess. It’s bad in the traditional ways that big blockbuster movies are bad nowadays, then goes above and beyond with the creepy werewolf/baby relationship and the incredibly bad idea to make the baby uncanny valley CGI so it could “realistically” grow up… Ugh. It’s gross as well as awful. I don’t like it.