War of the Worlds (2005)

war of the worldsWar of the Worlds (2005)

Directed by: Steven Spielberg

Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins

one-star

Ugh, I never wanted to watch this movie, I really didn’t. But I watched Night of the Day of the Dawn of… well, some ridiculously titled idiot movie which claimed to be as entertaining as this film for a millionth of the budget. I figured I had to give that unfunny guy an even break and see just how well he did. As it turns out, he did a much better job than I expected, and all he did was make fart noises over an old kitchy movie. I was keeping track, and it took until the 67 minute mark (out of 116 minute film) for War of the Worlds to be more entertaining than the long-winded movie name which shall not be repeated. Good job Spielberg, you barely edged out some idiot in his basement.

Everybody here’s familiar with the H.G. Wells story this movie is based on, right? Aliens from Mars come to Earth and just completely kill the shit out of everybody and everything until they all die from a disease. It’s a story about man’s resolve in the face of utter helplessness and futility. Well, this movie is mainly about explosions and Dakota Fanning HOWLING LIKE A BANSHEE EVERY SECOND SHE’S ON SCREEN.

The one good part in this film (which happens about 67 minutes into the film, if I had to take a wild estimate) is Tim Robbins as a scrappy survivor who actually has a really interesting interaction with Tom Cruise and his awful shrieking daughter. It is the one part of the film that really feels like the book and gives you a sense of suspense and urgency. The rest of it plays like any disaster movie that’s come out since 1998. You could put two people in two different rooms, one watching this movie and the other watching The Day the Earth Froze, and if they tried to explain them to each other without using actors names or specific plot points, they couldn’t tell the difference.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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