TinkerBell (2008)

tinkerbellTinkerBell (2008)

Directed by: Bradley Raymond

Starring: Mae Whitman, Kristin Chenoweth, Raven-Symoné

one-star

Somewhere between Ferngully: The Last Rainforest and Barbie: A Mermaid’s Tale lies a terrifying swamp of saccharine toy-based entertainment for little stereotypical girls, and it is from this mire that TinkerBell claws its way desperately out of. I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that the related doll sales alone from this movie not only far outsold the direct-to-video Disney attempt, but also had much more thought and planning put into them.

The movie starts with Tinkerbell, the fairy from Peter Pan who is the jealous lover of the titular 13-year-old boy, being born out of a magic acorn and some mineral water or something. She has to choose her job immediately after birth, and she chooses the job of a “tinker”. So, I guess her name should really be more like Tinker Belle or something? Or was the name a coincidence? Anyway, she meets a cast of wacky sidekicks, supportive peers, and inexplicably evil adversaries. She has to come to terms with her new existence and her role in the creation of spring, which is apparently something fairies are involved with.

It’s formulaic Disney at it’s samest. I suppose if you’re a five-year-old girl and you want to grow up to be one of those strippers with a Tinkerbell tattoo on your ankle, it’s the perfect formulative vision for you. If you’re a nearly thirty year old cranky man like myself, it’s just a vision of America’s commercialism distilled into film form, and it makes you dread the death of art and drink rye whiskey at 3 in the morning. So I guess it appeals to different demographics, that’s something that good movies do, right?

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