Directed by: Judas Bullhorn, Distortion Wells
Starring: Oderus Urungus, Beefcake the Mighty, Balsac the Jaws of Death
Did you know that GWAR made movies? Well, they did, three of them. Phallus in Wonderland is the first of these, and boy it sure is… uh… GWAR. It’s GWAR as fuck, man. Really it’s more of a couple music videos surrounded by a narrative, but GWAR songs are all kind of a narrative anyway, so it works out. If you don’t know anything about GWAR, all you need to know is that they’re a 90’s punk band that’s parodying a heavy metal band. From Antarctica. And they’re all aliens who kill and rape people.
The lead singer for GWAR, Oderus Urungus, has his penis detached and stolen by the “Morality Squad”, a group of decent-minded individuals led by a crazy old grandma and a beefy superhero. The Morality Squad puts the penis on trial and decides that GWAR needs to be eliminated. They picket the band and create a robot or something that’s supposed to kill them, but GWAR injects a T-Rex egg with crack to create Gor-Gor, a giant evil monster that kills everyone, basically.
Did I also mention that GWAR is just about the most juvenile thing you could possibly imagine? Did I also also mention that this movie, in its own way, is actually kind of a great work of art? Yeah, it’s pretty weird. The band are all in full costume, of course, but all the other characters are also either people in similar paper-mache costumes or are really cheap puppets. The only person in the whole movie with an actual human face is GWAR’s fictional manager, Sleazy P. Martini, who instead has a gigantic foam afro. All of this, plus the cartoonish violence (also all created with incredibly cheap practical effects) gives the movie a really weird vibe. The art style is actually pretty neat, it’s that early 90’s MTV purposeful ugliness type of thing that I have no idea what to call. So yes, it’s a really, really terrible movie… but it looks cool. That really sums up GWAR pretty well, honestly. An ugly spectacle you get oddly fascinated by, and by the end of it you aren’t sure why. Sounds like art to me.