Avia: Vampire Hunter (2005)

avia vampire hunterAvia: Vampire Hunter (2005)

Directed by: Leon Hunter

Starring: Allison Valentino, Rodney Jackson, Oscar Segal

one-star

How do I keep finding movies like this? By which I mean, why was this movie ever released to the public in any way, shape, or form? It’s basically somebody’s home movie except it has a plot. Is this just what the 21st century is like? Now that everybody in the world has access to video recording equipment and the greatest distribution medium ever (hint: it’s the internet), any idiot can film some garbage about vampires and some other idiot can watch it because he thinks he’s such a badass he can watch any kind of bad movie in the world.

A detective inexplicably falls in love with a goth girl who claims to be a vampire hunter while investigating her in relation to a murder case. An hour passes by without anything happening, and then it’s revealed that she’s actually been killing innocent 50’s-style families and she’s just crazy so she THINKS that they’re vampires… OR IS SHE?! Yes she is. OR IS SHE???!!?!!!???? Yes.

Really the only thing of note in this movie are the special effects and makeup, which are on the caliber of your average college town haunted house put on by the local drama club. The actors can’t act, it looks like it was shot with a cell phone camera, and the lighting is deep in first year film student territory. Lighting is something that only super movie nerds talk about, but it really is very important to how your audience perceives your film. If it looks like two people talking on a stage instead of two characters interacting in a room, it takes the audience completely out of the moment and makes it so much easier to go “well, this writing makes no sense, and also sucks a bunch of big elephant balls.” I’m not sure if that’s the exact sentiment I got out of this movie, but it’s pretty close. Probably better than what I thought at the time I saw it, actually. I gotta remember that one.

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