Merlin, l’enchanteur (2006)

merlin l'enchanteurMerlin, l’enchanteur (2006)

Directed by: Laurent Juppe

Starring: Vincent De Bouard, Michel Laroussi, Dominique Wenta

one-star

A French CGI movie vaguely about King Arthur where all the characters are animals and also kids. FUCK. I had no idea what I was getting into with this thing. Now, to be fair, I’m not sure how much of this is the fault of the really shitty movie and how much is the fault of the poorly translated and acted English dub I saw, but I feel pretty safe in saying that this movie was fucking awful no matter the case.

Arthur is adopted by an old wizard bear named Merlin when his parents are killed. Merlin raises him to be a whiny little shit with an inadequate understanding of anything, and he pulls the sword out of the stone and becomes king. Merlin raises Camelot from the ground with his magic, and Arthur has to defend it from the rat armies of Morgana le Fey, his much older sister who is a completely different species and who turns into a dragon sometimes. After this, a deadly bee stings Guinevere and Arthur has to go find the holy grail to heal her.

There are little nuggets of actual Arthurian legend spotted around in this thing, which just make the rest of the incomprehensible mess that is this film even more obnoxious. There was obviously some sort of effort put forth with the source material here, but the concept of making it this weird kid’s movie where everyone’s ten years old is so fucking terrible it completely negates any good will I may have had toward them. One thing that did surprise me was how far cheap CGI has come. Sure, it still looked like shit, but you could tell that the least amount of effort they put into this looked better than that same amount of effort did even a couple years before this. I guess that’s a nice thing to say about it?

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