Directed by: Mark Atkins
Starring: Chelsea Vincent, Peter Pedrero, Philip Coc
Welp, this is the last day I’ve got to review movies in 2012, better load up on the shitty direct-to-video movies made this year! What was I trying to accomplish with this, again?
Two reporters travel with a bunch of army guys through a South American jungle because… uh… well, they just do. Along the way they discover an alien spaceship that is crewed by aliens. Of course. Also it turns out the aliens were the early hominids that cross-bred with homo superior to create modern man. Not sure why that was supposed to matter, but they thought it was important.
This movie is presented as “found footage”, which is well known as the cheapest possible form of filmmaking, and thus is no surprise that those chucklefucks over at the Asylum would want to use it. The actual story of the movie is basically a bunch of people wander around and sometimes find things they don’t understand, then never understand them and move on. If it’s possible to miss the point of The Blair Witch Project while still ripping it off, that’s exactly what happened here.