The Man With the Iron Fists (2012)

man with the iron fistsThe Man With the Iron Fists (2012)

Directed by: RZA

Starring: Russell Crowe, Cung Le, Lucy Liu

two-stars

So the guy from Wu Tang Clan made a kung fu movie, huh? It may not be all that surprising that it reminded me an awful lot of House of 1000 Corpses, the first horror movie that Rob Zombie directed. Musicians who love a certain style of film so much and have enough money that they can finally film their dream fan script of the genre. It’s okay.

A shipment of the Emperor’s gold is given to the Lion Clan to deliver safely, but the evil second-in-command Silver Lion assassinates Gold Lion to take over and decides to keep the gold for himself. Can Gold Lion’s son (a guy with armor made of knives), a British gentleman named Jack the Knife (he has a knife that is also a gun) and a humble blacksmith who’s arms were chopped off and replaced with iron arms stop Silver Lion and save all the prostitutes at the place they’re staying from the Emperor’s wrath?

For a kung fu movie, there’s an awful lot of shit going on here. The choreography is passable, but really nothing to write home about and relies too heavily on how much you’re supposed to think all the characters’ unique weapons are cool. Russell Crowe’s dumbass FFVIII knife-gun thing, for instance, is supposed to be really, really cool, and I have no idea how RZA could’ve thought that. There’s a button on it that makes the blade spin around like a blender, it’s like a fucking Power Rangers toy.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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