Timewave 2013 (2008)

Timewave 2013 (2008)

Directed by: Sharron Rose

Starring: Gregg Braden, John Major Jenkins, Daniel Pinchbeck

How could I possibly explain what Timewave 2013 is with mere human words? No, I’ll have to reach into the language taught to the ancient Aztecs by space visitors from another dimension. A dimension of thought, not of boring lives and Big Macs and neck pain! Here’s what the goddess has communicated to me through these tarot cards: “It’s metaphysical bullshit.”

Okay, this is what I think this movie was about. The world is going to end in December 2012 because that’s when the Mayan (or Aztec, same thing) calendar ends. However, it won’t be that the world ends, it’s that we’re all going to be taken to a dimension of pure thought. But it actually IS going to be the end of the world because an asteroid or something is going to hit… but it really is a good thing! Probably.

Oh what a fucking surprise, the new age alarmist garbage movie didn’t work very well as a film. It was like watching something they rejected from showing on the History channel. And it wasn’t because there weren’t enough Nostradamus quotes, but rather the exact opposite reason. Thank god Thomas Jefferson invented my brain or whatever idiot thing they said, because otherwise I might’ve thought that any single statement in this film wasn’t bullshit.

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