Directed by: Declan O’Brien
Starring: Eric Roberts, Kerem Bursin, Sara Malakul Lane
I took a break from the James Bond movies because I was thinking “Octopussy? That sounds an awful lot like Sharktopus! I bet it’s a sequel!” …okay, maybe that wasn’t the reason, but I thought it was mildly funny, shut up.
Eric Roberts has spent his life designing a genetic hybrid between a shark and an octopus, and when they let it go free in the wild to test how effective of a stealth killer it is, it gets free and starts murdering teens in bikinis indiscriminately. Some 25 year old guy comes out of retirement to hunt down the sharktopus, which eventually involves planting a wifi hotspot on it’s neck and blowing it up with a laptop.
You can’t be surprised that a movie named Sharktopus is awful. Especially once you learn that it’s produced by Roger Corman, so that means it’s cheap and stupid on top of it’s already terrible premise. I’ll give it one thing, though, the monster on the poster looks exactly like the monster in the movie. Yes, it looks that bad. When they show the whole thing and it isn’t just tentacles coming out of the water and stretching 500 ft longer than it could in the last scene. Say what you will about cheap shitty puppets, but at least they stay the same size throughout the film.