Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

Directed by: Peter Chelsom

Starring: Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Billy Ray Cyrus

Yep, I’m a 27 year old man and I watched the Hannah Montana movie by myself. I swear that I’m not a sex offender, I’m just a person who hates myself.

So Hannah Montana is a pseudonym that “Miley Stewart” pretends to be so she can be famous and have a normal school life at the same time. This makes her full of herself and her dad, Billy Ray Cy–er, “Robby Ray Stewart” takes her out to the country so she can learn what really matters: Hot cowboy love. Wait, that can’t be right, that’s horrifying. Nope, I just checked it again and that is definitely the lesson she learns in this movie: Have sex with a cowboy.

I knew I was in trouble when I started watching this, but I never really knew how bad this bland Disney pop music was. And, unsurprisingly, it lasts throughout the entire film and NEVER STOPS. If you ever find yourself accidentally watching Hannah Montana, here’s a handy tip I used to get the noise out of my brain: Trepanation! Worked for meeeeeeeearuuughelp

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