Directed by: Coke Sams
Starring: Jim Varney, Linda Kash, Bill Byrge
There’s still three more Ernest movies after this, but I am completely and totally out of things to say about this shit. He’s a dumb guy and he does voices and that’s supposed to be funny, but it ISN’T. IT IS NOT FUNNY, I cannot stress this enough. This is a monstrous misuse of the word “comedy” to describe these movies. I hate Ernest almost as much as I hate the world that allowed Ernest to make nine movies.
Ernest is the janitor at a high school, but UH-OH, a Bad Guy from the Government wants all the faculty of the high school to have at least high school degrees! Even though Ernest isn’t actually on the faculty, he has to go back to school because he is an idiot who never graduated high school. The two science teachers invent a machine that will make Ernest smart and competent and good at football for a couple hours each time he uses it, and he uses this magical competence to not fail classes. Of course, when Ernest is smart he’s also a dick and nobody likes him (as opposed to being a dumb unfunny piece of shit who nobody SHOULD like), and he eventually learns how to win a football game. Wait, wasn’t he supposed to be getting a degree? Eh, fuck it.
Ernest Goes to School is fucking horrible. If not for the pure garbage that is Ernest Goes to Camp, this would be the worst of the bunch. It really drives home the point that Ernest would be unlikable no matter what his intelligence is, and it’s not his stupidity that makes him bad. Ernest is just an awful person, by every estimation of him. Or maybe it’s like my friend said, and the machine was actually designed to turn him into a jerk and the intelligence is just a side effect. I don’t think that’s canon in the Ernestverse, though.