Iron Man XXX (2011)

Iron Man XXX (2011)

Directed by: Sinister X

Starring: Seth Gamble, Heather Starlet, Amber Rayne

So here’s the story: Before The Avengers came out, my friends wanted to re-watch all the Marvel movies that were leading up to it, to refresh our memories. So when I learned there was an Avengers porn parody, I obviously decided to watch the porn versions of all the movies that would undoubtedly lead up to it. The end result: I spent 12 hours one day watching superhero-themed porn. I have bad ideas a lot.

Tony Stark comes out to the world as being the superhero Iron Man, which causes his enemies to go after him. Specifically, Madame Masque uses the Hulk, whom she has captured and apparently trained, to attack Stark at a press conference. After the attempt fails, Justin Hammer’s daughter approaches her with a knock-off version of Stark’s heart power thing and they tie it around the Hulk’s neck to give him even more super power. The Hulk attacks again and Iron Man prevails, but in the end Tony Stark is shot by a crazy ex-girlfriend and dies. Huh.

This is actually a pretty decent plot for a porn parody, even if Stark getting shot at the end comes pretty much out of nowhere. I mean, if it had been more light-hearted throughout the whole thing it would be a different story, but there really were no jokes before that abrupt ending. Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the sex scene between the Hulk and Black Widow, which was one of the least arousing things I have ever seen in my life. Not that the rest of the movie was that much of a boner festival (have you heard my new band?), but this guy’s dark green body paint being smeared all over this woman’s body… ugh. Ugh, no, I can’t even think about it any more. Yuck, yuck yuck.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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